Are we really free to make choices?

Most of us are familiar with the term,'Rites Of Passage,' ................ social conditioning which makes us dance the hoopla of: Holding the lime green soda stained hands of our first childhood crush at the local puja , or school social..., wearing large eye lashes which tickle your contacts and bust splitting tops through your teen years, and the more mundane rites of passage , like finishing high school as the 'Head Boy's girl friend,who in time buds into the arm candy yet intelligent Professor wife of the investment banker, who when the pre-ordained moment arrives gives birth to progeny and transforms to every Indian man's most favourite woman in the world,' The God Like , All Understanding ...Maaaaa.'

So..what are the choices which we really have...in between the time we learn to play with dolls and dance Kathak/Bharat Natyam to tying the knot, having a respectable profession and raising children.

Some people may shake their heads and say ,'Hey that's not tue,' our girlfriends, wives and mothers just love being who they are....but have you ever thought about what you would call them if they weren't ..let's take a few examples.

Being a woman, someohow in definition gets you positioned as being a compliment to a man.You are supposed to mirror the opposite..prefer dancing to sports, mush movies to action flicks, and the back seat of the car or bike ....to well gear control..
Getting Jiggy With It!
Rebel in your teen years...and hang out with the guys ..and you get labelled a tom-boy - a pseudo boy, someone with a wrong stereotype, hang out with the same guys and date a couple of them instead of choosing that 1 aspiring macho man..and you get termed a slut...( a frightening proposition, a threat to all those respectable social institutions like marriage and homemaking which form the very social fabric of your future)
Wedding & Bedding
So.. you pass the first barrier and emerge from the social cocoon as a young bride.And what happens if you meet your true mate after you are already wedded and bedded. Let's face it the dating years of young adulthood is sometimes just too short to meet the right guy...You are also in that same period building a career, an image, a bank balance and your life...and yes..u can make a mistake..
You are allowed to begin with the wrong profession and progress to the one which suits you..hey , but dont shake the boat. When it comes to your wrong pick of husband..compromise and adjust-is the watchword for every Indian mum.... As one of my favourite people in the world told me ....after a point in time marriage gives you so many social trappings that it just isnt possible to have a meaningful relationship with a significant other,for e.g 'suppose u want to ride away into the sunset with The One..how may people will you take with you, u have ur children and he has his children,and their nannies and sundry househelp,cumulative pets ...dogs, cats , parrots, ...forget riding into the sunset ...u might have to hire a train...expensive when u come to think of how much your ex-spouse is going to make u cough up for 'desertion.' But is there a law against,'boring conversation,petty money habits, sex which leaves you feeling..that U defnitely could do better when u were alone in the room than when your spouse was in it'....No, no law or social more against routine drudgery..It's wanting to live and laugh that is a crime!

Waaa:or Rock A Bye Baby
And now let's get to the next stage..you let go of the man whom you might have been happy with and fill the silence of your compromise with the gurgling of a baby ....Hold on.ever heard of polycystic ovaries,cysts and well just the option of ,' I can't right now.'
Women today dont work because they are bored , they work to earn a living ...and that's the difference between us and our mothers..We r the bread and the butter. And having a baby is also about affording one , isn't it ?
And what about those of us who cant have babies, because most working women today , hell most women today have cysts and a skewed work life balance which challenges their child bearing capabilities....And this is where social conditioning really kicks you in the butt...you feel guilty for a medical condition or a ' lost age' when you were earning money to run your half of the household expenses instead of being a fertile rabbit.
Somehow if your not bearing fruit your conditioning makes you a baby junkie , opting for any or all painful options which can beget the proverbial bun in the club ...never mind that you are shot up with enough progesterone to make you feel like your worst PMS experience was akin to the pleasure of your first birthday party.And woe betide you,if you belong to a family steeped in religious dogma, you are made to opt for vodoo jazz options like 'sleeping with the slippers of a really fertile god-man,underneath your pillow,' (so what's his proof of fertility?, you should ask your mum-in-law , Amol?(younger brother-in-law)). Why dont we have the choice to opt for the 'pitter patter ' of rain on a lazy afternoon and let the 'gurgling' be the re-assuring sound from the intelligent washing machine....
We cant undo social conditioning..but we can stop aspiring to play the stereotype ..and think... AM I playing a role which makes ME :) or :(.....
That's the only symbolism which matters..that's the only sense which bridges the gap between the angst of existentialism to the joy of existense...and if you come into the world with one big wail..shouldn't you leave behind an inheritance of one big shout..which will play as a happy mnemonic in a friend's melancholy memory.
So ..do you have a choice ?

He is watching you!

You can always do with a little bit more of any good thing.. !

You cant have enough of, good luck , or CTC or a good hair day! The problem with us is this theory of 'Relative Deprivation.' A friend of mine recently cut short my grumbling about 'love in the times of chicken pox'( my next door neighbours , granny to baby have all been afflicted with it) .....by stating that the problem lay not with my seemingly unfulfilled life but my ability to acknowledge that it could have been much worse. ....Ooops!

Before this starts resembling a lecture from the pulpit ,let's consider one of those finer things which one just cannot have enough of-Productive Relationships.

To have in your kitty 'n' number of productive relationships which dont begin with 'huh' and ....end with a lot of bad words, bad thoughts or 'duh.' is a desirable state of being.
The kind of people one would be keen to have a productive relationship with are lawyers (so that you dont die , or go bankrupt before your verdict comes in)traffic cops(so that they believe your false pregnancy stories every time you skip a red light),newspapermen.gas-men.electricians.cable-men.milk men.sundry house visitors(so that you keep getting a supply of all those essentials which u take for granted, since birth).But the king of kin...have no doubt about it , is your- building guard.

In fact in these terrorist tested times, the building guard and you need to be on completely amicable ,ready to please terms.Why? you ask ,because he pretty well monitors your respectability , doesn't he?.

If your a government 'old chap on the block ' and need a quick sweetener(processing fees) from a member of the disreputable business community of India ,Mr. BG may take a dislike to the ' slick gelled un,' who comes to deliver the goodies turning him away, to leave you wondering on how your going to explain to your wife , that mauritius just aint happening' ?

If you want to invite that delectable piece of office furnishing home, ( when the cat is away, the mice will play etc)well ,Mr. BG may not abide by the old adage and stores in his ragged notebook, your 'lovelies' name , address, mobile number(probably vital stats , if he hates you) and promptly forks it out to the missus on her return as part of his update on the 'comings and goings in ur apartment ,since madaaam was away. '

If your a 'learner ' driver and have scratched the building chairman's big arsed convertible..u could sneak away and appear deeply concerned at the outrage when the issue was discussed in subsequent resident meetings, however if you have been caught in the act by Good 'ole BG .....your reputation and bank account would be besmirched and tarnished forever..wouldn't it?

So here's a salute to the 'God Of Not So Small Things'..The only way of posessing a squeaky clean reputation is to speak Nepali(customisable), have a specialised Nepali caller-tune(customisable) for 'when he deigns to call you' and ...do keep ready tips to help you bridge that gap between suspicious allies to a brother-in-arms PRelationship.

ONS:The New Mantra

There are 2 buzzwords going around in the 'ready to mingle' category of women today-ONS and LTR .
ONS stands for 'One Night Stands' and LTR for 'Long Term Relationships .'
The girl next door has come out of the closet and how, she no longer wants chocolates, candles and mush ...She does not categorise her admirers by their ability to open the door , read her a poem, take her to an exotic restaurant and pick up the tab.
Hell! she can do all of that and a lot more,
However the new 'ready to mingle' woman, whom henceforth i will call RTM has a new agenda ...

Ever noticed RTM's at a coffee shop, they are manicured, with blunt nails, signalling furious laptop typing with some driving thrown in.

They have an 'only once a month , too busy to do more than that ' facialled look and hair which is at ease with straightening as it is with scrunchies...
Sitting in coffee-shops , discussing the rhetoric between politics and recession,one of them will 'put 1 in'.....for the uninitiated that means,summarily dissect the merits of the 'charlie' , who was met @ the last party,night club or (for the lucky ones) in office.
Charlies nowadays are categorised into 2 specimens , ONS and LTR.
Married men, dysfunctional men, funny men, 'bored so why not him' men and assholes who are just good for 1 thing ...all fall into the ONS category as long as they appear interesting and are passably hot.
The good news for men, is that RTM's are not looking for marriage, love , or commitment anymore.. They just want an orgasm and no coffee in the morning , thank you.
RTM's have changed the rules of the game, they are not interested in your bank account, or your mummie's jewellery, or your ability to talk about psychic fundamentalism..
All they want to know is whether u can fundamentally deliver on the G Spot and move on , or do u just nag and talk and waste time....

ONS is the best thing which happened to women and ONS has turned back centuries of victimisation theory. It is beautiful because ...now neither men nor women can claim of being used , abused or commodified. There does not have to be someone whose heart gets broken..it's about getting it off and then moving it on....
After all , dawn breaks, and the day fills up with meetings, concalls, lunch, presentations , tactics and strategy about the next day...and days to come..That's life...
And what about LTR ?....in my opinion that's the modern day myth which we celebrate through Bollywood, novels and yes sometimes through the institution of marriage..
but in this pastiche stricken world a 'Long Term Relationship' is something you develop with your favourite author, Ur childhood corner store, your sisters & girl friends, comfort food, hair conditioner, your bank,,...possibly for some women even a job...but the opposite sex...what are you caught in... 'a time warp'?