Heaven is a place on earth

Remember the Belinda Carlyle chick song ,' Heaven is a place on earth.'
Believe it or not, chick mush does sometimes couch sterner stuff underneath.
I often wonder , as must you ,about life after death.
Philosophy teaches us that the world around is , transient.
Most religions claim the concept of paradise to be the ultimate state of freedom and happiness.
However here are a few questions which keep me thinking

a)Who does one meet in heaven?Imagine bumping into all those people whom we thought we were well rid of and then,' Hello Dolly,'
...Most unpleasant

b)Can you see people back on earth, after you die?
I really dont want to know whether my kids are bonking or not and who they are doing.Most indiscrete .

c)Do you loose your corporeal body or not? I am guessing i am going to pop it when i am in my '50's , imagine going through the rest of eternity as an overweight 50 year old woman..Not fair.

d)Where do you live in heaven?Imagine all the billions of dead people out there. Me thinks there would be a shortage..of housing and other much scarier scarce resources.

e) Stands to reason that heaven therefore would only have souls ...no corporeality to crowd things up.I do hope my soul is not complete white..I would rather be candyfloss than cotton, wouldn't you?

f)Also , i would rather not confess my sins in front of those people i had committed them against. A private chat with God, no problem .....
but imagine telling your ex best friend,' hey you know what , it was me who started that rumor that u slept with most things which moved and some that did not.' Most humiliating..

g)And what about sins done unto me, i dont want apologies, is there some way in which one can exchange all those misdeeds into some extra luck, love,money , happiness for the people whom we leave behind to brighten up their birthdays and twilight hours..Ha that would be a gift worth giving.

All right this blog is becoming sickly sweet and does not reek of the depressed , down and out writer that i am...so my last comment

If a bit of heaven is available to us on a daily basis , mine would be
A day..... just like today
A home filled with flowers to return to
A washing machine which has washed and dried last weeks bundle
Wine is the fridge , Bacardi and Vodka on the dresser
A friend to share the oncoming winter evening with.. a poem, a smile, some coffee..some fallen leaves
and Sahdev, the little guard who dances without music in front of 159 Belview...

Let It Be

I was listening to the old Beatles song yesterday,'When i am in times of trouble, Mother Mary come to me.Speaking Words of Wisdom..Let it be ..'
If u think about it ,in times of trouble we do our full faith rituals ..but what of the happy times?
So this blog is dedicated to happy memories..thankful memories which tend to get forgotten during the monsoon of our lives.

The '80

1. The smell of burning leaves in a cobbly, cantonment town.
2. Playing Red Riding Hood and Sleeping Beauty at the age of 3 and 4 in pre-school
3. The soft comforting feel of a worn out sari which used to belong to my didu.
4. My great-grand aunt's stories of people repaying debts with mangoes, her photo with gandhiji , peacocks in her dad's courtyard in Bangaladesh which were gobbled up by the 'did not know better ' farmers..mystical stories of a bygone era.
5. The first taste of Rose Cookies, Christmas Cake and Beef Vindaloo - my nana's wrinkled hands as she blew my always stuffy blocked nose.
6. The fusion of flood waters in the drawing room and khichdi in the kitchen
7. George Michael ,Tom Cruise and Amir Khan smiling down from the walls every morning
8. Summer holidays which streched into afternoons with curtains drawn, hot and sour imli pickle and discovering different worlds through borrowed frayed library books
9. Perfecting a dance movement so ....that the guruji, raised his hand in appreciation
10. The message of sex.....on an afternoon which had been dedicated to Retreat Time for a bunch of Catholic girls

The '90's

1. Becoming a person, acquiring a sence of self not of purpose.
2. Getting lost in a pasture with my papa...him playing on his blues harp..the sound of silence
3. The discovery of communism and intellectuals..sence of bonhomie amongst corridoors of musty libraries and ancient colleges
4. The Threatre-finding friends among fellow actors, living life as if it would never end ..the exaltation of losing oneself in the greater belief of friendship
5. Standing on stage with a 300 member audiance listening in silence. Weeping and for just that moment.... believing in your pain.
6. Sitting on the lawns of an institution of radicals , discovering professors who were so much hipper than you were
7. Cold mornings, hot coffee and endless marches for liberal rights , gay rights, children, for the poor , for the helpless , for yourself
8. Simon and Garfuncle,in the twilight hour, the celebration of knowledge , exchange, dialogue of ideas ..the whirl of the imagination....the sweet toke.
9. The discovery of the Big O ....stoned

The 20'00

1. The excitement of living in a mighty city by the sea, which never slept
2. Sitting on the parapet of an 14 story building..and looking at the twinkling stars below and the ships beyond
3. The discovery of night life, endless escapades of being and non being,validation from your first corporate presentation
4. Being able to fine tune ' falling in love' into a fine art form.Wandering aimlessly, not understanding but trying to fathom high art and high fashion
5. Yacht parties, champagne brunches, muharat openings, agency gigs...& diwali nights at the stock exchange when endless crackers lit up the hopes of investment bankers ,sharebrokers and the gambling nowhere man
6. Impromtu drunken holidays, spending salaries by the 15th of the month, the thrill of being employable,the sweet disovery of money and all the wonder that it can buy you
7. Insitutionalised Sex , fairy tale weddings and going back home,excitement of being a new bride in an old city...Being able to escape institutionalised sex
8. Growing into an adult long after adulhood had passed me by
9. Losing a father, a husband ..losing dependance ,Discovering the strength of standing still in the quiet of a storm
10. Finding life after losing faith.. Building a home with blues and malhar, a gnarled old rainforest tree..and new curtains.

Still Trying

This is a lament..so for readers who want joyous tidings..please skip it...
For the last 8 years , I have been trying
Trying to crack the right conversation which should be made in corporate loos
Trying to realise the difference between being office buddies and developing interpersonal skills
Trying to hop, skip and jump between industries to see if the length of the pyramid differs anywhere(it doesn't)
Trying to demonstrate self starter material, initiative, hard work and getting pegged as a Complete Loser Ant
Trying to unashamedly & insincerely butter up every Hari Sadoo who came my way and getting shouted at and passed over for all my pains
Trying to change myself into one of those super sexy people who keep getting the big raises and right jobs and failing so terribly..That
It's no fun watching myself, making loser faces in the mirror anymore ,after i get stoned on a rainy day..i have become the mirror

The money ain't dirty or sexy..the jobs are useless..and one day you have to face the fact that you should probably stop trying....it's just that u never know when to quit and generations of middle class inherited values will tell you...Quitting is for people who can afford to...not middle class daily wage earners like us.

Some really talented people, take the cue (more power to them) and branch off on their own paths...become their own bosses...
but what about the rest of the dead beat mob..are we to wallow in this existential angst ..moving around in circles, till one day we fall flat on our cubicle space and die..
People don't get it ...
It is not easy being a loser.. Like success ,it is a cultivated art form..which takes an immense amount of time and patience , and being able to accept getting howled at from various cretins..
How to i deal with it?..I don't..
I write a blog and move back into my stolen cubicle space to get onto my next useless call ......!

Next life am going to come back as a cat , have a few kittens,steal a few fish..not move my ass and soak in the sun ..;)..and for now ...3 solutions to negate the everyday life

alcohol(dont water down)
drugs
And More of The Same.....
:)

I 've got Sunshine

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.....
Lovely song isnt it...?

I ran away from home at the tender age of 3 . In the cold Himalayan cantonment town , the essentials i took with me were a pink frilly pair of panties and a tin of talcum powder......
I went looking for some sunshine..

From then on I have been running ,
into trouble, from the mistakes of the past,into arms which did not give comfort ...
I embraced ideals,exchanged them @ the megamarts of hope, sex, institution, whim and reality.
Still looking for my 'sunshine'

It has been my belief that we build our personalities to compensate
for the lack of a quality we seek in our lives and not the presence of it.

Many a bitter cynic wants something to believe in
Many a despot wants to be much loved and popular
Many a sworn homophobic questions his own sense of identity
Many a religious begot is looking for God
Many a wandering star is looking for a fixed place in the firmament
and Every one's looking for some sunshine

After 32 years of smashed relationships..I think i found my sunshine

Want some indicators..here goes..
You Know you've got sunshine when..

When someone lets you snore peacefully through the night without poking you every hour or getting irritated by you....:)
When someone gets the detergent, mop, brush, dry cloth ,wet cloth and cleans the house with you..:)
When someone goes out of their way, changes their route to drop you home :)
When someone whom you abuse roundly ....ignores you and comes around the next day with a new joke ...:).
When someone looks at you and believes , that you look better without make up , though their sanity may be questionable but ..:)
When someone holds your hand in a dark hour and never reminds you of it or makes you compensate for it ..:)
And of course the sure shot way of knowing when you have got sunshine ,is when someone lends you money and forgets all about it(This of course ,is the next level of finding sunshine..it's like owning the sun)

So
It may not be one person ,
it may be a tribe, it may be a stranger, it may be your wife...
It will definitely not be the tele-caller on the phone..
But the only way to find your sunshine...
IS TO MAKE YOUR OWN.....Ha and you thought it would just fall into your lap..nice and easy!.