I have been held hostage by a bank who claimed my soul and purse 2 years back. I had joined a 100 year old company and was forced to bank with this mega financial house(one of our key customers) .....and thus began my downfall.
The snooty, cybernetic ..baboons have refused to interact with me for the past 2 years and a typical conversation with them bears the following trademarks.
' Hello ! May I know which branch i belong to?'
The officer replies,' What is your TPIN number madam, without your TPIN number , we are not authorised to talk to you.'
So you humbly ask...
'How do I get my TPIN number?'
To which the cyberwoman sneers, as though she cant get over what a dumbass you are and jeeringly says,' From your online Internet account.' The Duh is silent ...but it is there.
You feel the agony in your backbone,your heart does a beep bop, you know she has got you..and you bleat out,' But I cant access my online Internet account,'
My quavering loser voice awakens some kinder chord in her and she says,' You cant if you don't have an IPIN, but you can apply for one you know!.' (Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass..all the merry way)
'How, where?' Joyfully I yelp,' How can i get an IPIN number?'
'From the internet online banking option, of course,' she robotically states...
Surreal walls started closing around me. I am reminded of the old ditty .
' I have a whole in my bucket,dear Eliza , dear Eliza.'
'What is your name maam,' I ask her
Better to get acquainted i thought, since both of us seem to be destined to dance this cybernetic waltz for a long time ...
Namrata,' she replies in a bored voice.
'Well Namrata , taking a step back, I have been talking you for the last 5 minutes without a TPIN and an IPIN..so you see, it can be done...why don't you flower into the wonderful person that you were meant to be , and tell me which branch i belong to.'
Needless to say , Namrata is not amused. I could hear her silent curses heaping on my grandfather's grave.
' Maam,for your own privacy and security we cannot communicate with you..., you can however access your IPIN by applying for your OAC number on the Townbank url.'
OAC the new Demon warps my comfortably dumbed brain...and i hang up..
After several such conversations with Namrata, Pinky, Arnab and Bonny and nameless others, I am glad to report that i got my OAC number , I also got my IPIN code.(Not so dumbass now, huh!)
Triumphantly I tried to log on to my online account and the system told me.' You have entered the wrong IPIN password ..for your safety and security ..you must apply for a new OAC number which will enable you to get a new IPIN and TPIN. This will be mailed to your address.
I have unfortunately made the collosal mistake of changing houses and to give the cybernetic devil his due , he may have sent me my new OAC number...But since i cant update my address on his inaccessible system it is not to be.
To top it all,the new guard from Chattisgarh , Sahdev who has been recklessly employed by the building association is turning away one and all from my doorstep.He has overheard me conversing in Bengali with my flatmate and Einstein has decided that i am not allowed to own a name like Da'Silva and hence all mails addressed to me are promptly sent back with,' Resident not residing.'....
So I wait in this cyberwhirl..wishing and hoping and pray that i will be rescued someday by a state owned ,'tea sipping, paan chewing ' babu..whom i will know and call 'Samiran Da....,' who will talk to me, make me wait and make me come back another day...But at least I will be acquainted with the mafia fronting my money.
When will i be set free to make this choice..i don't quite now , since my cyber savvy bank has protected itself against me with symbols, cyphers and codes i do not comprehend and cannot unravel in this lifetime...Woe is me..Is Big Brother Listening?
