I am sure you are all agog and you have shopped till you drop for your new job.
Welcome to the corporate world, to the Dark Side Of The Moon
Today I am going to share with you some of the nasty truths which i wish someone had told me on Day 1....So Bite the bullet ..Here Goes..
- Dilbert is not a comic ...it is the only version of the truth of our lives.There are no human beings left on this corporateplanet, we are all robots of process. We are employee numbers ,hardware tickets and meal coupons..and God has been replaced by an entity called the Corporation..which is a mythical beast lost in the future called The Cloud Platform.
- The most important learning of your life will be -My boss is always right.Accept this truth and you will live.... better.So every time you are flogged, heaved over the coals and made to feel like vermin..remember He Who Does Your Appraisal , is your master and you shall know, no other master but him.
- Your co-workers at any point of time or at all points of time are bound to be dismissive of your efforts, jealous of your intelligence, better at gaining brownie points with THOSE WHO MATTER.They will try to ignore you, failing which they will gossip about you, failing which they will laugh at you publicly and exhibit your weak points to their advantage. Don't get upset, GET EVEN.
- Do not take on the responsibility of collecting money for birthday gifts and baby showers. Do not become a part of the Fun@Work organisation committee. People then tend to believe that you have no work at all and though on the surface they praise your efforts, deep down they will belive your useless, since managing time is not a quality which TRULY IMPORTANT PEOPLE should have.
- If you want to rise quickly in the haloed halls of power, try and look terribly busy, bury yourself in process, write endless mails which position what a great job your doing and yes....make a lot of trips to the copy not coffee machine..mumbling to yourself.
- Always use words like synergy, facilitate,teaming, and if possible deliver these words in a deep sonorous voice.People will start thinkingyou have people management qualities.
- Looking the role is important. Being a great professional has nothing to do with getting the job done.Presentation, is everything. So go shopping instead of brushing up on content.
- Build your own brand,market yourself, and dont enjoy anything that you do. When your truly miserable at your job and your smile has been lost to an expression of complete loathing for humanity you will find yourself doing rather well at your work place
- Just like gender and sex are different concepts, so is a job and a career....if you want a career ...learn the job..master it, QUIT IT and become an entrepreneur like Pritha. Possibely then you may have a career.
- And of course since i have failed miserabely at doing all of these things , you can always rely on me to give you moral and emotional support every time you get the Sunday Night Chills and the Monday Morning Blues.
Welcome my little sister to the Dark Side Of The Moon...and dont worry we Will Hold You Hand ,get you through your first appraisal and teach you the Dark Arts Of Survival In The Corporation.
Lots Of Love
Tina Didi
2 comments:
If I had any misgivings and forebodings...this...more than anything else strengthens them. They have now become the dark pillars of corporate-dom through which I shall scuttle like a scared beetle, while all the time trying to look like an eager beaver. My only solace is having an experienced shoulder to cry upon (yours!) and the distant lure of writing a thesis on Death and Dying someday!
Lot of material to be got for your thesis
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